It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
