Can i not drive my cunt home
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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