look no pants
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
