grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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