So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
