I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
