Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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