we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
