I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
