I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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