the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
