Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
