I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I checked into jail on foursquare
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
