I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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