She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
how drunk are you?
Several
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
