hotel room ftw
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
