You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
