Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize