the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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