They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
