the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
