WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
