I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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