i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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