Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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