tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
