i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
