Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
