yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
