just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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