New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize