Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
