Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
