Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
