there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
