apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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