Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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