I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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