So drunk its hurt
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
