I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
