I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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