based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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