I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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