The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize