everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
