I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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