2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
