mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
