Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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