He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
