Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize