If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
