2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
They took my balls.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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