Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
