I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
false alarm, still single
Randomize
