We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
