Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
