Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
