If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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