Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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