you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
