Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
