he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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