I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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