I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
