Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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