This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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