apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
