Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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