Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
