Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I AM VODKA MAN
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
